It was 3 o’clock in the morning when my husband and I slipped into bed, still reeling from the last few hours. I peeped over to my beautiful newborn son sleeping peacefully beside me in his moses basket only hours old. We had just got home from the hospital after my waters broke at home at 5:45 pm. 9:28 pm that same evening, he was in my arms. It was so surreal. Just a few hours ago we left our house with him tucked up inside my tummy and now he was here right beside us.
My first born was now a big sister, we were a family of four and I now had two children under the age of two. The realisation of this didn’t quite kick-in in that moment and later that day we were showered with love from family who came over to meet the new addition. But in the weeks that followed, the reality of raising two small children became full-on, as the demands of balancing their needs and finding time for myself and my husband began to sink in…
Life with 2 under 2
Bringing home our second child was both a familiar and completely new experience. I was adjusting to breastfeeding again while caring for a toddler- who requires constant attention and energy. I was adapting to being a parent to two babies, each with their own needs. I found the transition from 1 to 2 challenging in the beginning, more so than 0 to 1 as there was a lot of mum guilt and still is at times.
I would miss the little things with my daughter like putting her to bed myself or having more time to play with her. I would explain to her that mummy couldn’t do certain things with her at certain times because I needed to feed the baby, change the baby or try to settle him to sleep. She would find something else to preoccupy her time, but I felt awful.
The days were a blur of nappy changing and feeding with my son and meal planning and finding things for entertainment for my daughter. Someone always needed something and I often needed to be in two places at once. To say I was feeling overstretched and overwhelmed would be an understatement.
Luckily, my son did not take after his sister in the sleep department (although she is an excellent sleeper now) and I was able to put him down for a nap in his cot during the day. Nap times became sacred moments of respite, even if they didn’t always align perfectly. He would nap during the day, which would give me a little time to get some things done around the house or spend some one on one time with my daughter.
It was important to me that she still felt important. We stuck to her routine as much as possible; she continued to go to nursery (which has been a godsend) and I always made an effort to do something especially for her. It could be anything from a fun day out, a trip to our local park or even just playing tea parties in her bedroom (her favourite).
I also created lots of moments for my children to bond together and would do activities that included the both of them such as reading, going to the park and bath time. Helping my children formulate a bond was something I did during my pregnancy. I found this really helped prepare my first for the arrival of the second, which made the transition smoother. Although it was a big change for her to welcome a sibling, watching her tenderness with him, how loving and nurturing she is towards him- there is no denying that she loves her baby brother and that she is more than happy to share her mummy.
Everything is for a season
Alongside the day-to-day routine, the initial weeks were also a period full of incredible milestones for my daughter. She said bye bye to her cot and moved into her big girl bed and we ditched the nappies and ventured into potty training. I was so proud of my little girl and how much she matured in such a short time. These were huge milestones in her little life and she handled them remarkably. It was very bitter sweet and made us realise just how quickly our first baby was growing up. It also reminded us how quickly the time passes and that everything is for a season.
Divide and conquer
After several weeks, we managed to find our rhythm. Establishing a routine was pivotal and really helped us to settle into our new life as a family of four. Welcoming our second child made me realise that you can’t do everything perfectly and that’s ok. The babies would cry simultaneously, the house would look like a toy bomb had exploded and no matter how hard I tried to keep on top of the washing, the basket would still be overflowing. But in the midst of it all my heart was full and I loved spending the day watching my children interact, hearing them laugh and seeing their smiles.
With two on our hands, it was double the joy but also double the chaos. My husband and I tagged teamed everything- divide and conquer was the only way. I discovered the power of small supportive gestures like a cup of tea or my husband bringing me something to eat while I was sat glued to the sofa breastfeeding for the 100th time of the day.
We leaned on each other and communicated more openly about our needs and struggles. We celebrated the small victories, like managing to wrangle the kids down to bed, getting through a meal without a meltdown or simply getting through the day! It helped us to keep our spirits up during the rough and challenging days.
On the bright side…
For me, having two under two had its perks and has resulted in a cohesive family atmosphere despite the occasional chaos. I was already in the baby world, I was in touch with being a parent to a newborn so I didn’t need to make any huge adjustments. I had all the baby essentials and was able to use items that I didn’t get round to using the first time which made it cost-effective.
I found the waking up for night feeds and the sleepless nights a lot easier to manage this time as I was already on a similar schedule. Additionally, having children close in age is such a joy to watch. My children make the best playmates and they get to go through life together on a similar journey. They share the same interests, engage in the same activities and offer each other companionship which further solidifies their beautiful bond.
Knowing what I know now, would I do it again?
As I write this, my children are older- my son is now 10 months and my daughter is 2. As they’ve grown older and more independent, balancing their needs has become easier, and I no longer feel so overwhelmed. The days now seem shorter and pass quickly and I look back on those initial weeks with two under two with so much fondness. Our daily routine hasn’t changed much, but it will in a few months when I return to work from maternity leave (I’ll be sure to let you know how that goes!).
For now, I’m enjoying spending every day with my babies. There’s a lot of fun because I can do more with them together and they play together a lot more. My son is walking, loves exploring and getting into mischief and my daughter’s extraordinary personality continues thrive and shine brighter than the sun.
While some say going from 0-1 is harder than 1-2, from my experience, I would say 0-1 was hard physically but 1-2 is harder emotionally and in terms of the time you have to spend in the day. You’re stretched more thinly and any slither of time you had to yourself when you only had one child to worry about, you can kiss goodbye. I can’t promise the juggling act gets easier (it has for me, however some would argue differently) but you will find your groove with two. So, knowing all that I know now would I do it all again? My answer is… heck yes!!
I have loved everything raising two children has taught and continues to teach me. I love that I have been able to learn so much about myself on this journey. The highs outweigh the lows by far and any challenges I’ve faced have been just that, and life would be boring without them.
Most importantly, I love being a mum to these two wonderful and incredible kids who bring me endless happiness. It’s a feeling unmatched and one that brings deep joy to my soul. If going from one to two kids has taught me one thing, it would be the incredible capacity of the human heart to expand with love all over again.
Every sleepless night, every meltdown my babies have and every exhausted tear I have cried is worth it. Our family’s story is richer for the experience we’ve shared and I wouldn’t trade this beautiful, messy love-filled adventure for anything in the world.
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