Did you know that new parents can lose up to 44 days of sleep in the first year of their baby’s life? It’s a staggering statistic that seems almost unbelievable until you find yourself in the thick of it, barely surviving the sleepless nights and foggy days that come with caring for a newborn.
Personally, I found sleep deprivation one of the most challenging aspects of new parenthood. The effects of sleep loss can be overwhelming, impacting physical health, mental well-being and overall quality of life. People would often make light-hearted remarks about getting plenty of sleep in before the baby arrived when I was pregnant. I would laugh in agreement but, wow, if I knew then what I know now, this would be no laughing matter.
Understanding sleep deprivation
Sleep deprivation occurs when you don’t get enough sleep to feel rested and alert. For new parents, this is often due to the frequent nighttime awakenings required to feed, soothe and change a newborn. Constant lack of sleep can impose a serious risk to health, as chronic sleep deprivation can lead to:
- Decreased cognitive function and memory
- Weakened immune system
- Increased risk of depression and anxiety
- Impaired judgment and reaction times
The shock of sleeplessness
For the first year of her infant life, my daughter had zero interest in sleeping through the night or during the day for that matter. The first two nights after we brought her home was tough and by the third night, I was going out of my mind. I had no longer than two hours undisturbed sleep in four days. I knew I couldn’t go on; that’s when I discovered co-sleeping. Although it wasn’t ideal and wasn’t what I had planned (as her bedside crib stayed immaculately dressed in powdered pink bedding) it really helped us all to get some much needed sleep.
I was extremely fearful of having my baby in the bed with me, but after doing some research and discussing it with my health visitor (HV) I felt more confident that what I was doing was safe. It made nighttime feedings easier and provided comfort to my baby. Ensuring a safe co-sleeping environment is crucial to prevent any risks which you can discuss with your care provider or find more information here.
Finding small moments of rest
New mothers are often told to “sleep when the baby sleeps” this is for several reasons. Firstly, getting your Zzz in while the baby sleeps can increase your energy levels; it can improve caregiving and mental wellbeing and prevent burnout. While the reality of this may be harder to put into practice, one of the first lessons I learned was the importance of grabbing sleep whenever and wherever I could. Yes there were days when I would attempt to organise the growing chaos around me, tackling the never ending wash pile and the daily house chores. But in the end, I had to adjust my priorities as I had a newborn that needed my care and attention.
Accepting help (and asking for it)
Motherhood has taught me that there is no shame in asking for help! Whether it was my husband, family or friends, leaning on my support system made a huge difference (and cleaner floors, thanks mum!). I had to let go of feeling guilty for asking for help or for someone to watch my baby for an hour so I could nap or just have some time for myself. More often than you realise, family and friends want to help you, so it’s good to give them the opportunity. It’s not a sign of weakness; it’s a sign of smart parenting.
Implement a routine
The first few weeks home with a newborn can be a blur of feeding and nappy changing. The nights can feel endless and the days pass by in a haze. It’s a huge adjustment, so I prefer to take a more relaxed approach in the initial period and kick-start a gentle routine from around 3 months. Babies thrive on routine. Establishing a consistent bedtime routine helps signal to my baby that it was time to sleep, which in turn helped me get a bit more rest. Bath, feed and a cuddle and then down to sleep. It wasn’t perfect at first, but I stuck with it and now both of my babies are down asleep by 7:30 pm each night.
Make self-care a priority
I do find this extremely challenging and it sometimes feels almost impossible, but taking care of yourself is crucial. If your happy your baby is happy, even small acts of self-care can make all the difference. For me, it’s a hot bath, having time to do my makeup or creating content for my blog! whatever it is you enjoy, make sure you set some time aside to do it. Finding those little pockets of time to recharge helped me feel more human.
Letting go of perfection
One of the most liberating things I did was let go of the idea of being the perfect parent. The house didn’t always need to be spotless and it was ok if I was having a bad day and I cried when my baby cried. By setting realistic expectations and focusing on what truly mattered, I was able to reduce the pressure I put on myself and find more joy in the small precious moments with my baby. Motherhood, as beautiful as it is, is HARD. Remember you’re doing an amazing job even if it doesn’t feel like it.
Connecting with other parents
Going along to a mum and baby group provided invaluable support and was sometimes a lifeline. It was nice to get out the house, to meet other people on a similar journey, to share experiences and tips. Being in a room full of people who understand the struggle of sleepless nights, crying spells and poop explosions made me feel less alone and more confident in my parenting abilities. It was a reminder that we were all in it together and that we could laugh, cry and vent together.
Light at the end of the tunnel
Sleep deprivation is tough, but like most things in parenting, it’s a phase that will pass. When my daughter hit her first birthday, it was like a light switch went off and she suddenly started sleeping through the night. She would go down at 7:00 pm and wake up at 8:00 am. It was great and I started to feel like myself again (until I had my second baby and the cycle started all over again!). Sleep or shall I say the lack of it, is something every new parent will face but few are fully prepared for it. Yes there will be some turbulence as you and your baby adjust and navigate through this chapter. Yes it can be extremely challenging balancing sleep deprivation while caring for your newborn, but this short period is a beautiful and fleeting moment in your life that you will look back on and cherish forever.
Can you relate? How did you survive and thrive through the sleepless nights with a newborn? Share your stories and tips in the comments below!
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